I'm going home for the holiday weekend for the first time in years, prompted by my father's illness. While his pneumonia is better, he is still on oxygen, and I worry that he may not have too many holidays left, although he *did* sound stronger on the phone the last time I talked with him.

I can't wait to see everyone - my siblings, nieces and nephews, those people married into the family or hopefully to be married into it someday (Maddy!). For that half that is Jehovah's Witness, I hope they'll make the family dinner on Friday.

The one person I'll miss the most is my sister, hsifeng. She is doing something with a friend who I guess asked her a hundred other times, but it just worked out this year. It seems like the last few times I've come down, she's had other commitments. I sure miss seeing her!

Hey, Sissy! I'm coming home for Christmas, too, and I better see you!

What a long day! First, patients went until 7. Then I had to clean my 2 fish tanks at work (walls scrubbed free of algae, every decoration scrubbed in a bucket of tank water), drain 1/2 the water out, refill (after making sure temp & dechlor in place), and replace everything. Then the damned computer wouldn't shut off, because someone had forgotten to log off the back station, and I was afraid if I just powered it off, the system would crash (it has before). Finally got the office manager on the phone after 9 pm to tell me how to get it done.

Then there was some weird weather change outside, so my entire car fogged up on the *outside*, and as I was waiting for it to de-fog... the inside did because of me.

So I'm finally home, cats fed, PJ's on, frozen dinner just coming out of the micro... and it's after 10:30. I have to sit up at least an hour after I eat, so... I'll surely be tired tomorrow, too.

At least I have something fun to look forward to! The final Progressive Dinner of the Year!

... is catching up on your TV. I'm fully caught up on Desperate Housewives (watched 7 episodes), Greys Anatomy (3 episodes), Lie to Me (2 episodes), V (2 episodes), and am now going through Ugly Betty (currently have watched last 3 eps of S3 & the 1st of S4). I'm hoping to finish the last 4 eps between tonight & tomorrow.

My Comcast VC-R is no longer exploding!

Speaking of Ugly Betty... when she did her big make-over, and I saw her glasses, I thought "those look like Prodesign Denmark!" The office I'm in now doesn't carry them, but the one I worked at 5 years ago did. The clean architectural lines were something I really liked. But was I right?

Thank goodness for Google - you can always find the answer. I was right!

I've been sick for a week, 1 cup of soup a day is about the max I could tolerate. Fever dropped yesterday, and the SO said he would cook something for me (us) for dinner.

He made home-made crabcakes and razor clams.

The smell was... *shudder*

I managed 2 pieces of toast. Later. Much later.

Do you think he really could be that oblivious?

I'm feeling better temp wise, down to normal. Still weak and having a hard time eating, but recovery is imminent!

I realize I've been a pretty miserable post-er lately, either whiny or just depressing. I think the reason is that I see LJ as my place to be me, to talk about my issues in a forum where I don't have to worry about someone running to my SO/mother/father/boss about what I've said. I get feedback on personal issues for things I wouldn't otherwise get. Only 1 person on here really knows my SO - that is my sister, and while I've had a few moments of worry when I posted something personal, I know she wouldn't carry tales.

The SO actually freaked out about a FaceBook account I'd set up for him, and spazzed over deleting it, because two people from his work got in trouble about pictures or things they'd posted. He sat me down and talked forcefully about *not* posting *anything* about him on FB. In addition, he was worried because someone might be able to trace back to him through me, and "see all that freaky gay shit you have." I'm sure he wishes I would delete mine, too, but I told him that FB is something people I work with or who know us in real-life read, and I have to censor it. That LJ is my own place, and that he can't be linked.

Of course, it doesn't help that his good friends young daughter somehow found my fic website a few years ago, and asked him why "his" webpage had guys kissing on it.

I've got the freaking H1N1, and it feels as bad as you'd think. Like the flu, multiplied. Coughing so much my stomach muscles hurt, near constant body chills from a 101 fever, body aches, headache, runny nose, nausea...

And while the SO is doing his best to be supportive... it's hard with the troubles we're having. And I can't take loud words or arguments right now. I can barely take living.

I know I asked TPTB for: 1) a week off of work, and 2) to lose weight... but I didn't mean like this.

He was just lying there, half in the fast lane, half across the fog line, all twisted like a corkscrew. I didn't know him, I don't know who hit him, I didn't actually see him get hit. The police had just arrived, and he was just laying there.

I'm kind of freaked out about it. I mean, it's not like I never saw a dead person before. Cadavers in school, bodies at the mortuary (I used to date a student mortician)... but not the immediately traumatically deceased.

The SO doesn't understand, thinks that it's more of a "huh" thing. But I'm freaked.

What do you think? Would it bother you a lot, a little, or not at all?

Source1 Source2

Tags: 101509 accident

I just went to Neovita and bought the ugliest pair of shoes I ever have. Why? My feet are killing me. KILLING ME. It's like a hot coal is intermittently burning in the heel of my right foot most of the time, and sometimes in left. And the pain of those first steps in the morning... or after I've been sitting for any length of time, like when I'm on the computer, or even just on the toilet, damn it. It never goes away fully, only down to a dull roar.

Plantar fasciitis? Probably. How desperate & hopeless am I?

I just spent almost $1K on 2 pairs of shoes (tennies & the aforementioned ugliest shoes ever), two "treatment" inserts, two "retainer" inserts, and one pair to slip or velcro into other shoes. Oh, and it came with two pairs of shoe liners, two "bandage" felt heel pads, one "roller ball" to exercise the foot, and a pair of "FAB" straps, to support the arch and fascia at night. Most of the $$ was for the inserts, plus any "follow-up" I need, any replacement or adjustment of the inserts, up to and including "custom-made" ones if I don't recover on their standard ones.

How long until I can expect an improvement? Maybe 6-8 weeks, *if* I follow the "adjustment" (aka breaking in) process properly. I'm sure that gives them leeway if it doesn't work out. And until it is completely better/gone? 12-18 months.

But I'm so desperate and in so much pain... I'm willing to try anything. But I guess I should count my lucky stars. Why?

My grandmother had such twisted feet, she had to buy soft slipper shoes, and stretch them out over time with her twisted knarled shoe trees (which matched her feet) so she could even wear them. Bunions, hammer toes, extreme foot edema... you name it, she had it. My mother? No swollen feet, but multiple bunion surgeries. Both also had carpal tunnel issues (teachers). I knew from the time I was a child I would be cursed with foot issues. I watched and watched, waiting for my foot to turn, my joints to bulge... but they didn't.

I suppose I should be grateful it's just pain.

Tags: feet
Current Location: United States, Washington, Seattle
I feel...: sad

OMG! A reference to True Blood on House!

I've been having a lot of repair work done on the house. It had to be re-piped (from the water meter to & throughout the house), rewired, new roof, and now? New double-paned windows. One thing always leads to another, and while they hoped to use the original window trim, a lot of it was water damaged or had rust stains from the nails used. So I had to get new trim.

Now it's 1/2 way done, but in doing so, they had to take off the "inside the frame" mini-blinds... which has left me feeling a bit... exposed to the world. Considering there are 6 big picture windows, and 7 small windows. It was late when I got home (after 7:30), and I knew the neighbors security light would keep me up. Not to mention feeling like I was living in a goldfish bowl.

The SO thought about putting sheets up, but it would be hard, as the walls are lathe & plaster, and it would take nails to do it (leaving holes in the wall). Each window is taped off for finishing the trim & staining, so I couldn't attach it to the wall. And I didn't want to put those "pull off" hangers on the windows, because I was afraid of messing them up somehow. The SO tried to tape sheets up, but they were too heavy.

So I got the bright idea... what would be (semi)-opaque, light weight, and be able to attached to the window with minimal tape?

Garbage bags. That's right. Cut up garbage bags.

So I did. It's black trash ones for the bedroom (for maximum darkness), and the computer room (huge window). And white ones for the living room, to still let some light in, because damn, the bedroom & the computer/dining room are like caves. Made me think of vampires, trying to block out the sun.

And from the outside?

Hillbilly heaven!

You might even say, I'm anti-religious, at least in regards to myself. I don't necessarily thing less of anyone that is religious, as long as it is a personal thing for them, close to their heart. Proselytizing I find very uncool. But that's just me.

If you asked me to define how I feel, I have a hard time. I don't think there's a magical being in the sky that you have to worry about offending. I don't believe in a heaven, a life after death. I don't believe in hell, either. I think you live, you die, you're dead. One ride through, only, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

But I also feel that there is an energy in all of what some people call "Creation" (not that I believe in Creation, as a theory, or time-line). I think that there is good and bad energy, and that you can draw it toward you, based on how you act. Pretty much "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." It's like some vast primordial soup, and when anything living is created, bug, animal, human, there a little bit of that "soup" is dripped/spooned/ladled out, depending on the consciousness of the created thing. And when you die? Your energy goes back into that great soup, to be doled out later. Not discretely, but mixed in with all the rest.

( Things that make me go 'Hmmmm...' )

It's making me really wonder, all these wishes being answered...

Anyone else thing that Randy Harrison and Anna Paquin have the same mouth? Or maybe it's just the upper lip (aka the superior vermilion border), but when I see her's, I think of him.

( Pics under the cut )

When I watched the 1st season of True Blood, I was disappointed in the guy they chose to play Eric Northman, because he didn't seem big enough to me. I expected taller, more substantial. I had the impression that he was about... 5'11"? Maybe a hair taller than Stephen Moyer.

But I was watching tonights episode, and realized that Alexander (Eric) looked *way* taller than Stephen. It was like he'd grown in front of me, kind of like the Wolves in the Twilight series. So I looked it up on IMDB.

Stephen Moyer - 5'10"
Alexander Skarsgard - 6'4"

I take it all back... except that I think he should be brawnier. But he's still very sexy.

I'm a pack rat, and so is the SO. We've been living here for 10 years, cocooned in our pack ratery. And now? We have to have major repairs on the house. New roof, windows, repiped, rewired. So that means that space has to be made for the workers. Stuff has to be sorted through - to toss, to sell/donate, to keep.

An entire frigging basement, a 2-car garage, 1 "storage" bedroom, 1 "guest" bedroom (1/4 full of junk), plus several closets.

We've been spending the entire weekend doing this. I've found stuff dated back to 2002, and probably earlier.

We have a *huge* trailer (well, 15'x9'x5' at least), and figured we'd only get it 1/2 full. It's over 3/4 full, and we still have a ton to go. But the trailer is leaving tomorrow, our contractor needs it for work. And I've been inhaling so much dust, I don't know how much more I can take.

I've found quite a few treasures, amongst the chaff. But I'm so tired of sorting through stuff. And we've only done the garage, the basement, and one closet. The plumbers are coming the 29th, and after them? The electricians have at least 8 days of work. Not to mention afterwards they have to repair all the holes in the walls, and repaint. And we have to hope the cats don't get out, because they've never been out, and I don't know if we'd be able to catch them again (especially if they get out while the workers are here, but not us).

But since we painted the outside two years ago, and had to replace the heating/cooling system them, too... it will almost be like a new house.

I better not have to do any major repairs for at least 10 years after this.

*cries*

I seem to have trouble keeping houseplants going, except for ficus. I couldn't figure out why, when most people say they drop leaves at anything. Then I researched it a bit, and found out that they like to be drenched, and then dried out completely, so my intermittent watering habits are good for them.

And last night? The SO told me that one of my indoor plants had an amazing smelling flower. Now, the only flowering plants I have indoors are my amaryllis, and only one of those has flowered this year. But the others had shown no sign of flowers, only leaves. So I went over to the window to take a look.

Now, my nose isn't the best sniffer around. I think it's from that weekend I used Zicam, thought I was getting strep throat, but realized, after I missed a dose, that it was the Zicam causing the pain, not the cold. Haven't been able to smell a variety of things since, especially delicate smells. Although my staff will tell you that I can't smell stinky patients either, but I take that as a blessing. But as I approached, I smelled this wonderful scent, kind of like freesia, but more earthy/musky.

What did I find when I got to the corner?


My Mother-In-Law's Tongue plant (Sansevierias) had a flower! I didn't even *know* they could do that! When I found out my best friend, Lynette, had inoperable cancer, I changed. I got on this kick to have living, developing things around. To my few ficus plants, I added a dracena, the aforementioned Mother-In-Law's Tongue, a horsetail plant, and a variety of amaryllis. I also started a container garden of tomatoes, 2 strawberry pots, and indoor AeroGrow herb garden, and some Chia herbs in the window. And I got fish, 4 zebra danios, 2 bettas.

I did some research, and found out that Sanseveirias bloom extremely rarely (they said once a decade). If you want them to bloom, you have to keep them root bound, low on fertilizer, and rarely watered.

These plants are making me feel better about not taking good care of them...

I bought a pair of black jeans at Walmart, artfully faded. They were on sale ($17 marked down to $12), and fit really good. I was worried that the "jewels" on the back pockets would come off with time, making them look cheap, but I thought that if I got at least a few wears out of them, I could then pull them all off and just have black jeans.

I left them in the closet for a few weeks, and then decided to wear them to work on "Casual Friday". Yep, they fit great!

But just before lunch, my office manager stopped me. "Wait, turn around... is that a rip in your pants?"

I spun around, putting my back to the wall, and reached down. Yep, there was about a 1-1/2 inch horizontal rip in the lower right rear, just below the pocket.

"Turn around again, let me see," she said, and I did. "There's also a rip on the leg."

And there was, about 2 inches long, right where you'd cut them off if you wanted to make Daisy Dukes. But I had one more patient to go, so I had them seat him, then walked in, making sure to keep my front to him. I finished his exam, with only an awkward moment when he tried to be the gentleman and let me walk out first, but no way. And as I walked out?

I felt a breeze. On my upper back thighs. It was like some kind of nightmare, the one where you are at work/school/the mall, and really "feel" a breeze going by, then look down, and you're naked.

The freaking pants had ripped across both back thighs... and were splitting up the middle. Not along a seam, no... along some unseen weakness in the fabric. As if when they had "distressed" them, they'd done too good a job. They fabric was brittle, and the fibers just... disintegrated.

"You can go to the mall, and get a new pair," the staff recommended.

Yeah, right. Like I'm going to the mall with my ass hanging out. So I drove home, 35 minutes each way, on a 90 minute lunch, to change pants. Because I *know* there's a pair of pants in my closet that will fit, but not sure if there's one at the mall (if you forget the "ass hanging out" thing).

And now I'm PTSD about every new pair of pants I wear...

The culprit, draped over the trunk of my car, as I returned them to WalMart. And get this exchange.

Salesgirl: "We might have another pair. Do you want to exchange them?"
Me: "Um... no."

Anyone know a good site for adult fanfic? I just started watching S4, and have renewed my entrancement with Franco. Damn those bad boys! Coming from this fandom, I'm used to a glut of fics. Looking for hot ones, I found two websites only. Maybe because of their (mostly) homophobic nature? I'm really looking for some hot Franco, or Tommy fics.

Help!!!

Rest in peace, my FishyBoy.

Last night, FishyBoy (aka BigBlue) died, after a prolonged illness. From ich to popeye to gill disease, through multiple courses of tetracycline, and ampicillin. My good boy tried to eat until 3 days ago, even when I had to drop food just in front of his mouth because he had gone blind.

He was such a personable guy. Whenever I walked anywhere near his fishtank, he'd first freeze in recognition when he first saw me, and then swim madly to the front of the tank, dashing up and down, making little gulpy motions with his mouth. He'd follow you wherever you went, not just under the feeding slot. He loved to flare at the "big bad mirror fish" (see the video below), and put on a magnificent display. He was so happy, making big bubble nests, up until his first bout with fin rot, about 6 months ago. Only little bubble nest after that was better, and in the last few months? Nothing.

I don't know when he was born, but I had him from early April 2008 until last night. He was the biggest betta I'd ever seen, at least twice the girth of any other.

He was a very special boy, the only fish who's managed to capture my heart.

Rest in peace, my FishyBoy.

Tags: fish, fishyboy, pets, sadness
Current Location: the dining room
I feel...: sad
Boppin' to...: the bubbling of his empty tank

The SO has been gone for the week, and I've been stuck at work late, or at meetings. I finally got home at just after 7, having rushed from work to the computer store to pay for a... quad something motherboard with 4 gb of ram?... plus a 1.5 tb drive to replace my C drive. I've been without a PC for almost a month, after it gave me the dreaded "config.sys file not found" message. They got it up and running, reloaded, but after they turned it off? Same thing. So now it's that the motherboard/processor overheated, and fried, so a new one (above) was needed.

So I've been turning on the 5 year old laptop intermittently, for 30 minutes at most, just to try to not fall too far behind. And failing. But anyway...

I decided to try to get caught up with "Lost" tonight. I had the whole season, minus one episode (Dead is Dead), and thought I'd watch the last 2 episodes of last season (I never saw the finale) on DVD, then jump into this season. I was DLing the missing episode, and went to find my DVD set.

As I was doing so, I looked at the Comcast DVR screen. It had said "92% full". Now it said "83%". WTF? So I looked.

Because I had like 6 hours of TV to record tonight, I guess it deleted my older stuff... the first recap episode of Lost, and then the 2 hour season premiere. Now, if I don't have 5 hours of it? I might as well wait until December 9th, then get the S5 DVD's to watch.

I really didn't have time to watch 16 hours of "Lost" And I'm sure I would have run up against a wall, and had to delete other stuff before I watched it.

So fate, I guess I should say thanks, since I've stopped cursing you.

Just when it seems I'm at my limit... something else happens.

Got home from work today, and the SO told me that the PC wouldn't connect to the internet (which it has been doing intermittently for some time, you have to restart it to get it working again), so he restarted it as usual. The whole "Shut Down, Restart" bit. And when it should have restarted? It sent him a message.

That the Windows Config Sys file was not found, and the Set Up disc needed to be used to try to repair it.

And I can't find the Windows disc.

*headdesk*

And the people who have been repairing it are very... hard to get ahold of. And while they replaced 2 drives, put in a USB port, and hooked up my WiFi, I haven't heard from them about a bill. I called them about it, several times,but I have this problem.

I think I might have to find someone else, but I don't know who. I got their name from the phone book... I guess I'll have to look for another, and hope my precious files are OK.

I get nauseous when I have computer problems, or anything significant goes wrong (like sick pets). And I have 2 sick pets right now, and now this. I was feeling sick before the computer thing.

Tags: computer woes, so tired

...when you tell the appraiser what you need your house to be worth, and they give you a look of surprised sympathy.

Tags: refi
Current Location: home
I feel...: worried
Boppin' to...: the computer hum

I was just watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua", and realized that they filmed just outside my dad's place in Sayulita!

Or should I say, my dad's "old" place. He lived there, half the year, for 15 years, and just sold 2 years ago due to poor health. His was the last private house on the beach, right next to Papa's Palapas (where they shot the surfing scene with the girls seeing the guys). They also shot in the downtown area.

Oh, and Punta Mita? Where you often hear of the celebs going for vacation for the last few years? The town right next door (or more precisely, around the point).

I lose my connection there just as it gets popular...

I've been busy with real life - trying to refinance the house, which needs major repairs (roof, windows, repiping, rewiring), and taking care of a cat with lymphoma (and she *doesn't* have prescription insurance, and *man* are those meds expensive).

So I haven't been here in God knows how long. Or read my e-mail. I used to be so involved in everything. I had a fully textured life in the ether, friends all over the world, and I knew most of what was going on with them. And now my world seems smaller, although I *do* seem to have more real life interactions now that I'm on the computer less.

But I miss feeling close to so many of you. Is anyone out there?

Joel looks so wide shouldered, surrounding and protecting his family. Nicole is petite, cradling the baby. Harlow is at the center of the pic (showcasing Nicole's petiteness).

Perfect composition.

Support that source we all use to win arguments...