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Happy's Obsession
or what I do between bouts of Real Life
I'm dumb.

I have a history of panic attacks, used to be bad, but no bad ones for over a year. Only 3-4 very short ones. So what did I do today?

I should have known that something was wrong. I mean, I felt really out of it when I got up, but thought I was just tired. So I made some coffee, and got online. Chatted with quite a few people. By about 11 am, I realized that I almost felt drunk - not the wooziness, but the jerkiness of vision. Thought that was pretty funny, at first. Realized I'd had like 5 cups of coffee (didn't keep track). Figured eating something would help, so I made a frozen dinner and ate it. Didn't seem to help.

Decided to lay on the couch and watch TV. After a while, I noticed that it seemed harder to breathe and my heart was racing. Felt kind of tight in the chest, too. Started thinking maybe I was having some kind of heart attack (even though no real pain) because the class I was in on Saturday mentioned that "silent" heart attacks often only make people feel tired. And of course, that line of thought just upped my anxiety levels.

Pretty soon, I was trying not to hyperventilate, and my heart rate was at 150 (that's sitting still). So I freaked & called the hubby. He works an hour away, but I needed someone to talk to. My hands were starting to tingle (both of them), and my palms were sweating. He told me to take an Ativan (anti-anxiety med). I haven't needed one in over a year. In fact, the last time I took one was the set visit (preventative). So I took one. That was 30 minutes ago, and while I feel less anxious, I still have this feeling of impending doom. I've felt like this before, but not for so long. And it makes me more anxious since I'm at home alone.

Pulse is at 120, and I feel... shit, I gotta lie down. I don't want to call 911 (never have) - but I don't know what to do.

If anything happens to me... bliss_ gets all my memoribilia.

ETA: Well, it's 5:30 now, and I feel a lot better. Drank some water, managed to sleep. Although I felt off for the whole day, I finally feel normal again. Thank God!

Thanks for all the good wishes - they helped!
8 Voices or Sing to Me
spikeidol From: spikeidol Date: October 4th, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh ick, that is not good times. Glad to hear your heart rate is going back down though. It's probably all that coffee. I know when you drink alcohol it takes one hour to digest one drink. I wonder if it works the same with coffee?

Hope your starting to feel better.
phibetafunkay From: phibetafunkay Date: October 4th, 2004 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm glad your heart rate's gone down though. Hope you're feeling better, too.
quinn222 From: quinn222 Date: October 4th, 2004 03:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you're still on-line, go get some ice in a bowl (not ice water, actual ice) and sit in a comfy place. Rub the ice over your wrists. It should help bring some of the panic down. Remember, what you are feeling is NOT a heart attack. It a super adreneline rush. Concentrate on the coldness on your wrists and not your pulse rate. Breathe through your nose.

YM me if you want, I'll be happy to sit with you. I'm at quin222

Been there, done that, not fun.

quinn222 From: quinn222 Date: October 4th, 2004 03:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
duh, quinn222
mi_nion From: mi_nion Date: October 4th, 2004 03:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hang in ther sweetie. At least you recognize the panic attack for what it is.
marishna From: marishna Date: October 4th, 2004 03:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd IM you but you're idle right now, so I hope everything is alright. Drink lots of water (it's my cure for everything) and just stay quiet for awhile.

thanks_thankyou From: thanks_thankyou Date: October 4th, 2004 04:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
I relate entirely to this. I have a history of panic attacks as well. Get it from my fathers side and my childhood. I have actually passed out from severe panic attacks before.

But I hadn't had them in quite a while until last month when I moved and could not handle anything that was shoved my way. By boyfriend, on the webcam, actually got to witness one.

The only thing that was ever able to take me out of one, was my mother grabbing me, and yelling at me to Stop! But, of course, she isn't here. So, hang in there, hun.
dissident_dream From: dissident_dream Date: October 5th, 2004 12:41 am (UTC) (Link)
oooh panic attacks :-/ I sure know what they feel like, when I was in Greece I was plagued with chest pains and I couldn't breathe etc the problem was that the more I thought about it the worse I got... the other night I spent half thinking I was having a heart attack and the other contemplating death by blood clott.

Nasty business. but Glad you're ok hon :)
8 Voices or Sing to Me