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Update - Happy's Obsession
or what I do between bouts of Real Life
I recently got an e-mail from bliss_, asking how I was doing. I thought I'd post my answer, in case anyone else was interested.

I've dived into work way too fast, but if I don't work, I don't get paid. No days off... in fact, I only have Aug 21st & 30th off between now and the end of August. So no rest for the wicked.

Voice gets tired at the end of the day, but is not painful. Less breathy (a little), but can't make the 'EEEE' sound. Can't yell, laugh, or sing. Joy. Have to use a lot more air to push sound out, so often have to breathe within sentences. I kinda sound like Stevie on "Malcolm in the Middle" - great picture, huh? *sad*

I have my up times & my down ones. I've cried myself to sleep several nights, and really haven't had a good nights rest in... probably since 2 days before surgery. I keep having stress dreams, and wake up almost as tired as when I went to bed. And to top that off, I've been having some anxiety-type attacks at bedtime again. I worry about 3 years ago returning (a horrid year of severe anxiety attacks, which led to other problems, like driving). I was over that when I came up for the set visit (Nov 2003), but I'd suffered terribly the year before from it.

I'm thinking it is probably the stress I'm under, the fact that I've had surgery, and that my body is trying to get used to artificial hormone, and the levels might not even be right, and the medicine has a half-life of like 8 days, so it can build up...

I have about another 2 weeks at least until I get a blood test to see where my thyroid levels are. The doc will adjust them accordingly. I hope to be on an even keel again soon, but it can't be soon enough.

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8 Voices or Sing to Me
From: itsjustkristen Date: August 19th, 2005 04:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the update, I've been wondering how you were.
Hopefully, just the fact that you are aware of being stressed out and are aware that your anxiety-type attacks could lead to more, will help you keep everything in check. (I know to some people that might sound weird, but when I'm feeling like that I can sometimes talk myself down.)
Take care of yourself. I'm here if you ever want to chat.
♥ Kristen
severina2001 From: severina2001 Date: August 19th, 2005 08:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't know what to say. I'm thinking of you. *hugs*

qafhappy From: qafhappy Date: August 19th, 2005 02:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. Your thoughts mean a lot, especially when I get down.
mi_nion From: mi_nion Date: August 19th, 2005 09:25 am (UTC) (Link)
They have you on synthroid? That may be related to the anxiety probs. It takes a while to get the level adjusted and it's pretty much trial & error. Remember it hasn't been a month yet since your surgery. You'll stop sounding like Stevie soon enough.
qafhappy From: qafhappy Date: August 19th, 2005 02:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
They have me on 150 mcg of levothyroxine, which is pretty much the same thing. And I know one of the effects of your meds being a little off can be anxiety, shortness of breath, and muscle spasms... but it still freaks me out. I get that traditional 'panic reaction' of "maybe it's something else, maybe I'm going to die" even though I try not to. I know I could take some Ativan to get through it, but I hate to rely on anti-anxiety meds, and they always make me feel a little funny the next day - like I need them again.

And thanks for the boost about not sounding like Stevie forever. I met with a good friend for a little while after work yesterday, and was blaring my thumpa thumpa music in the car as I drove, and I kind of forgot myself and tried to sing. Bad idea. Couldn't do it, sounded horrid... and got really depressed. But I realize it's too soon, and until I can talk, I can't expect to sing. I just really hope I haven't lost it forever, because it was one of my great joys.

I told my mother that my goal is to be able to sing "Happy Birthday" to her - on November 6th. If I can't do it by then (3 months after surgery), than I'll have to deal with the fact that it probably isn't coming back.

But I'll do my best not to worry until then.
mi_nion From: mi_nion Date: August 19th, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. If you voice isn't back to normal in 3 months time may not mean it not nback forever. I would at least give myself 6 months.
rhiannonhero From: rhiannonhero Date: August 19th, 2005 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Research shows that after surgery people are more prone to bouts of depression and anxiety. Hopefully that will pass soon.
reader1 From: reader1 Date: August 21st, 2005 12:17 am (UTC) (Link)

Feel better!

I have had thyroid problems myself in the past, and I know how bad they can be. I so hope you are feeling much better soon, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers, as you have been. Take care, hon. Sherrie
8 Voices or Sing to Me