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I have had a great friend for the last 14 years. She started off as… - Happy's Obsession — LiveJournal
or what I do between bouts of Real Life
I have had a great friend for the last 14 years. She started off as my landlord at university, but ended up being one of the closest people to me ever. She is one of the linchpins of my life, a touchstone that I can always go back to, a place of happy memories of younger times and future dreams.

There are so many things we talked about doing together. Going to Paris, or England, or Greece. Seeing beautiful artwork, eating wonderful food, and flirting with gorgeous men.

When we were little old ladies, alone, we would move in together and keep each other company until the end of time. Because you know, it's always the little old ladies left.

I didn't know that the end of time would be so soon.

I just found out yesterday, when we went to California to visit her, that she has inoperable lung cancer. They don't know if it's the primary source (unlikely), but if it is, and the treatments are successful? She might have as long as 5 years, pushing it.

If it's not the primary cancer? Or if the treatments are unsuccessful? Maybe a year.

She's coughing so badly now, she always had asthma, but this is worse. Wet, choking coughs, that go on and on. And she still isn't even staged in her cancer yet. She's lost thirty-six pounds so far in the last few months, 4 pounds in the last week. She eats, but she gets full so fast, and she's so tired. I fear the worst.

And I can't stop crying. Not that out loud, wailing kind of thing. More the tears just keep running down my face, and I can't stop them. I feel so, so lost. I was strong when I was with her, we went to Napa, took a picnic and had some wine and just talked. I only cried twice, once when she told me her life expectancy, and again when I hugged her to tell her goodbye.

I don't know what I'll do without her. I can't think about what it will mean. We were supposed to grow old together, damn it. I want to pray for her (and I'm an atheist), I want to scream, I want to wail and tear my hair, because it isn't fair. It isn't fair. She has a little grandson, only 19 months old, and she was just wondering what he would want to study in college. Now she doesn't think she'll see him graduate from kindergarten.

I feel...: distressed distressed

14 Voices or Sing to Me
mi_nion From: mi_nion Date: February 19th, 2008 12:30 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh Happy,
So sorry to hear this. The big C diagnosis is never a welcome one. Just remember time is precious and cherish every moment you have with her.

rhiannonhero From: rhiannonhero Date: February 19th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC) (Link)
I am so sad to read about this, honey. I have friends I intend to grow old with. I understand. The world is so damn unfair sometimes.
chrismm From: chrismm Date: February 19th, 2008 01:01 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry.
From: damietta Date: February 19th, 2008 01:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, Sweetie. Just a big hug coming your way. She's very lucky to have you as a friend, too, as much as you are to have her.
mellicat1963 From: mellicat1963 Date: February 19th, 2008 01:09 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh sweetie. How very very sad.
Thinking of you.
shadownyc From: shadownyc Date: February 19th, 2008 01:22 am (UTC) (Link)
This is horrible. I hope your friend gets every chance possible and medical miracles do happen if you work hard enough at them.

littlemisstexas From: littlemisstexas Date: February 19th, 2008 01:26 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm so very sorry hun, I'll be keeping you both in my heart, thoughts and prayers. *huge, huge, huge hugs & endless love* ♥

pbanda From: pbanda Date: February 19th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC) (Link)
OMG I'm so sorry. That's horrible. {{{hugs}}}
bliss_ From: bliss_ Date: February 19th, 2008 01:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh my gosh, I'm so very very sorry. I know exactly who you're talking about, and just how much she means to you. *hugs you tight* I'll pray for her.
positive_pat From: positive_pat Date: February 19th, 2008 02:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It is heartbreaking. Happy I have personally walked in your shoes. My husband died of inoperable lung cancer 11 years again. He died young, way to young. From the time he was diagnosed til the day he died was almost 1 year to the day. Hopefully your friend will do better since technology is more advanced now. I know how hard it is for you and will be as time goes on. All you can do if be there to support her. I say this because as the person tends to get sicker, friends start coming around less and less because they can not handle it. But you be there for her Happy and email me if you need to talk, rant, scream our just need some moral support and a hug. My email address is PatriciaLRoberts@aol.com

You hang in there girl and let me know how you are doing I mean that.

Big Big Hug,
grneyedwoman From: grneyedwoman Date: February 19th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh honey, reading this is like a kick in the gut. I'm so sorry for you and your friend. This sucks, completely sucks!
Big hug, Cindy
smartwomn1 From: smartwomn1 Date: February 19th, 2008 02:47 am (UTC) (Link)
Hugs, support, and strong wishes. Bravery for both of you. Clear-eyed decision making for your friend. Love is renewable, can expand, and is free; luckily you've shared it already and will into the future. Someone to hold on-to, if you can continue to be that for your friend, you will be peaceful with her (and you) no matter what the outcome.
rapunzel50 From: rapunzel50 Date: February 19th, 2008 05:38 am (UTC) (Link)
Stay strong for her and for you. Good luck!
connorblond From: connorblond Date: February 19th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh - I'm so sorry to hear that. It is so hard to get that kind of news. And you feel lost, not sure how to deal with it at all and your world is turned upsite down in a flash. It makes life pretty scary when you think about it. But also worth living. And doctors can be wrong! They have been so often. Never forget that.
14 Voices or Sing to Me