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Happy's Obsession
or what I do between bouts of Real Life
I'm not a religious person...
You might even say, I'm anti-religious, at least in regards to myself. I don't necessarily thing less of anyone that is religious, as long as it is a personal thing for them, close to their heart. Proselytizing I find very uncool. But that's just me.

If you asked me to define how I feel, I have a hard time. I don't think there's a magical being in the sky that you have to worry about offending. I don't believe in a heaven, a life after death. I don't believe in hell, either. I think you live, you die, you're dead. One ride through, only, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

But I also feel that there is an energy in all of what some people call "Creation" (not that I believe in Creation, as a theory, or time-line). I think that there is good and bad energy, and that you can draw it toward you, based on how you act. Pretty much "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." It's like some vast primordial soup, and when anything living is created, bug, animal, human, there a little bit of that "soup" is dripped/spooned/ladled out, depending on the consciousness of the created thing. And when you die? Your energy goes back into that great soup, to be doled out later. Not discretely, but mixed in with all the rest.

But sometimes I wonder. Because I've had a few things happen that could be chance, but just seem too specific. I've asked for a number of things, not to God (even though I'm sure I used the name), like "God, I wish I could have two weeks off!" And was that wish granted? Yes. I developed an acutely painful condition, had to have emergency surgery, and the recovery time? Two weeks.

Another time, I said, "No way! I don't want to need reading glasses before my ** birthday!" But I did, so I sent in a frame I got in Toronto, on my set visit. Three weeks before my birthday. Now, it normally takes about a week to get them back, and I was bitching all over the place about needing them before my self-imposed deadline. And what happened? Well, the lab made the prescription wrong the first time, so the optical returned them. Then, the lab broke my frame, so I had to pick a new one. Then they made them right. When did I get them? On my birthday, exactly.

On a darker note, my parents (who are in their late 70's) decided they wanted a dog. A big dog. Now, my dad is fragile (though he won't admit it), and I was afraid that the dog would act like any puppy, albeit a 120-150 pound puppy, and get excited about something and accidentally hurt my dad. At that same age, his mother broke her hip, and that was the beginning of the end. So I wished strongly, over and over, that they wouldn't have it. That it would run away, or have some kind of quick end, so my parents would be safe. And what happened? When she was just under a year old, they took her in to be spayed. The doc didn't "suspend her stomach" or something, tacking it to the abdominal wall, and it flipped. So she developed gangrene of the intestines, and died within a few days. I felt horrible, because I didn't want her to die a painful death... but I had strongly wished she would be gone.

Are these strong wishes and fervent thoughts the same thing as prayer? Even if they aren't directed at a specific diety, or even expected to be answered? I don't know. I just know that I try to be very careful what I wish for now, because I find they are often answered, but not in the way I wanted. Not at all.

But sometimes good things happen. We are having a lot of work done on the house. Re-piping, re-wiring, new roof, new double-paned windows. Also a new dishwasher, surround sound theater wiring, garbage disposal, and I just picked up a new kitchen faucet to surprise the SO, who is a crazy good cook. Now he will be able to get fill up his tall pots easily, not wedge them under the spigot.

But (as a previous post said), I've always been kind of a packrat. I save boxes that stuff comes in, on the off chance I might need to return them, or pack them away or ?? But I rarely need them, 1/50 times probably. So we've had to do a major sort and toss project. But we didn't have time to get through more than about 1/3 of it before the work started. And now? we're having to stay one step ahead of plumbing and electrical, moving things away from walls behind plumbing fixtures (so the tile doesn't have to be damaged), which means piling stuff up in corners, on furniture, in packing boxes, or even garbage bags. Whatever it takes to get stuff moved. And now the electricians have started, and all that stuff we moved for the plumbers? Is blocking about 1/3 of the outlets they need to work on. And I'm not talking a few boxes. I'm talking 5-6 foot tall piles of stuff on beds, and full bookcases that have already been moved once, just barely. And the SO is away on business until Friday, and my back is bad, and I just can't move the stuff they need.

I was wishing so strongly that I wouldn't have to do a lot tonight. I just got a massage for my bad back, and really wanted to let it work. Lifting and moving furniture and whatall for 2 hours would have done me in. But sure enough, there was a note when I got home. The front 2 bedrooms & the guest bathroom needed to be ready for the electricians tomorrow. And two of the outlets in the middle bedroom are blocked... by a daybed, literally piled 6 feet high with stuff. And with everything else in the middle of the room... there's no where to put it. Unless I lug it downstairs to the basement (which the plumbers are also working on), or into the garage... I called and left a message for the electrician to tell him I would do what I could, but with my back? I didn't know... And I started moving small stuff.

And what happened? After about 10 minutes, the phone rang. It was the electrician. He told me not to worry, that he had two strong young helpers who could move the desk, and pull the two beds away from the walls. "Plus, they're young enough to be flexible enough to reach the outlets." He told me not to worry, that they had plenty to do, the young guys would move the heavy stuff, and to just relax.

It's making me really wonder, all these wishes being answered...
4 Voices or Sing to Me
From: damietta Date: July 9th, 2009 11:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Ah, your sub-conscious and conscious dipping into the great collective. Awesome when it happens, isn't it?
severina2001 From: severina2001 Date: July 9th, 2009 11:56 am (UTC) (Link)
I think that there is good and bad energy, and that you can draw it toward you, based on how you act. Pretty much "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." It's like some vast primordial soup, and when anything living is created, bug, animal, human, there a little bit of that "soup" is dripped/spooned/ladled out...

YES YES YES. This is almost exactly how I feel as well. I don't think I have ever met anyone who feels the same way about this as I do. I call that "drawing it toward you" aspect - karma. I have no idea if karma really means that or not, but that's what karma means to me.

I was just really excited to read this.
robertlyon From: robertlyon Date: July 16th, 2009 01:16 am (UTC) (Link)
I think when you die it goes back to exactly how it was before you were born: nothing. The universe is billions of years old, we are then born, we live barely at all, we diw and then there's nothing forever. I came across your journal, wanted to know if you'd like to be friends.
qafhappy From: qafhappy Date: July 21st, 2009 04:12 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm not here very often (unlike days of yore), but I'd like to be friends.
4 Voices or Sing to Me