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What I've Said Those Close to Me Pick a Day, Any Day All About Me QaF Vault - great fanfic! In Days of Yore In Days of Yore On to the Future On to the Future
It is done - Happy's Obsession
or what I do between bouts of Real Life
It is done
At 12:50 AM this morning, my precious little boy went over the Rainbow Bridge.  I was with him through the end, and he seemed at peace.  Stacey, the catsitter, came to help me through it.  I petted him, cradled his head, caressed under his ears, and told him what a good and special boy he was for about ten minutes while Stacey held the oxygen nozzle under his nose.  He started getting a little anxious from the lower oxygen, and the vet told me it was time.  I loved him, spoke to him, and comforted him until he was gone, and then kept petting him for 20 minutes to comfort myself. 

Boy-o was not your typical cat.  He was feisty, and didn't hesitate to let you know if he didn't like what you were doing.  Everything had to be on his terms, and you'd better keep on your toes, or he'd give you a swack or a nip to teach you.  He walked with a tough-guy swagger, and didn't hesitate to jump all over Rosie, who was initially at least 4 times his size.  Even when full grown, he was small, fine boned, slim, with a the softest fur you'd ever felt, just like a rabbit.  He had on a little bolero and toreador pants in a brown tabby color over a white undercoat.  As you can see, he had the prettiest face.

While he didn't like to be held, he did like to come sit on my lap, especially if I lay down with a blanket.  He'd start kneading with his front paws, pressing his little mouth to the blanket between them, then get the back ones going too.  And with his sharp little claws, I always wished the blanket was thicker.  I feel bad about the times I'd shove him to get him to stop, because the sharp pricking was too much.  I'd do anything to feel those sharp little claws again.

He loved to push his head into my hand, letting my palm cup the side of his head as my thumb rubbed between his ears.  And he loved me running my curved hand under his face, thumb and forefinger massaging the sides of his jaw.

For a long time, they didn't sleep with us, because they were active at night when they were younger, and because one time Bud jumped on Rose, and she tore off across K's back, digging in for traction and drawing significant blood.  Once Rosie got ill (she has some intermittent wasting disease they can't figure out), I started letting them sleep in the room again.  Rosie insisted on being a "cat hat", curling around my head & kneading in my hair, but Boy-o always curled up behind my knees (if I was on my side) or between them (if I was on my back).  I so didn't want to disturb him that I would wake up stiff in the morning, my subconscious keeping his slumber peaceful.

When we'd come home, Boy-o was always the first one at the door.  If you didn't watch, he'd try to jump through it.  As we'd come in downstairs, taking off shoes, and unloading the car, you'd see one lone kitty eye staring under the door at the top of the stairs, trying to figure out what we were doing.  He hated being on the other side of closed doors.  He almost never made noise, unless he was cranky for being locked out.  If we didn't answer, he'd reach under the door (the house used to have rugs, and the doors were planed), and grab it with his leg, banging it back & forth against the frame until you'd at least get up and yell at him to stop.  I wish I could hear that banging again, and see his little white leg reaching under, trying to hook me to him.

I was watering a plant today, and spilled water.  When I moved other plants to wipe up the floor, I found his green & gold crinkle ball.  It was one of the first toys he had, a 3" diameter ball of stiff crinkly plastic.  When he was just a tiny thing, not more than 4-1/2 months old, he would chase it around the house, trying to grab it with his mouth.  But it was 1/3 his size, and all he could do was run run run, pushing it ahead of him with his chest, and snapping at it.  All over the house, one of the cutest things you've ever seen.

He was always great about using his litter pan; not like Rosie, who insists on peeing in a bare pan, and pooping on paper just next to the pan.  I don't know why, but we haven't been able to break her of that.  And it's easy to clean up on the linoleum.  I'd hate for her to start doing it on the hardwoods.  He also was picky about his kitty treats.  No "tartar control" for him!  No matter how good they said it was, he wouldn't eat it.  He loved his MaxxCat dry food, ate it from the time we got him until just a few weeks before he died.  It was still out, but since we had to start feeding Rosie more meats, he got that, too.

I feel bad because he was always coming into the kitchen at Rosie's feeding, and pushing her out of the way from her food.  After a while of gently pushing him back, I started to get more abrupt and forceful, trying to impress on him that Rosie's dish was hers, and he should eat from the one next to it (which had the same meat, but less).  I was always so gentle with him, that I regret this slight cruelty.  Maybe I was too wrapped up in worrying about Rosie, so I didn't notice he had a problem?  Looking back on it, I think he may have been eating a little less lately.  He seemed to walk away from the meat plate after just a few bites, but I know he went back later - I heard him in the kitchen.

I just don't understand how he could go from seeming healthy and hearty, jumping 5 feet up into his kitty tree from the ground, pounding through the house... to dead.  In less than a week.  From healthy to on death's door in 9 hours.  I'm having them do an autopsy, because I need to know.  I feel bad because I didn't ever take him to a vet, because he hated it so.  He screamed, fought, and acted like a feral cat the two times he had to go.  The vets were actually scared of him.

But he was my sweet little boy.  I will forever miss his softest fur, his curling up on or next to me, his exuberance.  I know I'll be finding his toys all over the house, and it will kill me a little, each time.
13 Voices or Sing to Me
quinn222 From: quinn222 Date: December 31st, 2009 11:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh God, I am so sorry. What a wonderful post you made for him and I am crying for you.
sandid From: sandid Date: December 31st, 2009 12:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Losing a beloved pet is really hard. Hang in there.
fiercediva From: fiercediva Date: December 31st, 2009 12:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
severina2001 From: severina2001 Date: December 31st, 2009 01:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh my god, I'm bawling my eyes out. What a lovely tribute to a wonderful friend. I'm so sorry for your loss.
oasis6028 From: oasis6028 Date: December 31st, 2009 02:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know how hard that is - had to do it with my cat a few years ago. So sorry he is gone.
connorblond From: connorblond Date: December 31st, 2009 04:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am so sorry! We lost a cat last February, so I understand.
This heart failure thing is tricky. With an infection it can happen within hours. Maybe he did have a heart that was already affected but not showing any clinical signs. With additional infection it can be more the boy can handle. I hope the autopsy will give you the answers you're seeking.
mos_self From: mos_self Date: December 31st, 2009 05:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
So sorry for your loss, babe. I feel so sad knowing how you'll miss him. Even if cats aren't our whole life, they certainly make our lives whole.
chadmom From: chadmom Date: December 31st, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my 13 year-old Gavin in July, so I know what you are going thru.

duffy_60 From: duffy_60 Date: December 31st, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
As a fellow animal lover, I am so sorry for your loss. I also had to put my Casper (yes, a white cat) down after a wonderful 18 years with him. Like your Boy-O, he went very quickly. Turned out to be kidney problems. One week he was fine, and the next he could no longer keep food down.

I hope you find out what happened if it eases your mind. It is so hard, I know, because we always second-guess ourselves and wonder if it's something we could have prevented or seen sooner. He was well loved, and he knew it. You will once again see him one day. And, yes, I agree with you, he was a very beautiful big boy.


on_the_ground From: on_the_ground Date: January 1st, 2010 04:47 am (UTC) (Link)
i'm so sorry for you.. hell, i know how you fee so well :(

hugs xx
christy215 From: christy215 Date: January 1st, 2010 12:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You will always have your memories of the good times and hopefully, that will help you get through this.
hsifeng From: hsifeng Date: January 1st, 2010 10:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know I'll be finding his toys all over the house, and it will kill me a little, each time.


In time you may find that these little reminders aren't painful, but are simply reminders of your time with Boy-o and how much you both loved each other.
aurora_84 From: aurora_84 Date: January 2nd, 2010 05:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
:(( :(( :((
13 Voices or Sing to Me